Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
