I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
