Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
