I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
