We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
God, I missed his penis.
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