I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
