I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
