We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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