who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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