Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize