We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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