Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
