PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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