Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
