"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
