you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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