Apparently you make a good broom.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
