I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
