She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
