My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
