hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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