you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
