Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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