my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
