trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
