Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
