Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
