you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
