so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
