Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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