I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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