I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
