tell your sister to shave her snatch
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
