i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
