I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
