You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Randomize
