The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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