Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
