You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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