I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
