I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
