i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
