I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize
