Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
