For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
