bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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