My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
