She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
