Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
