The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
