making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
