I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
