nut hugger
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
