I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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