I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
