I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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