Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
