I wish my penis had an off switch
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
After last night, I could never be a politician.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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