We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
