The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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