3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
