So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
