the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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