Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
