I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
