You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
