I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize