he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
