I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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