please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
