i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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