remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
