U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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